So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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