i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
