Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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