Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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