you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
