note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
