can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
