Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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