remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
you made out with another girl for some wings
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
