I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
