Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
