I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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