i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
