ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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