It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
