that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
