Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
