OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
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Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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