At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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