Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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