Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
