Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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