Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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