The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
