I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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