you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
