So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
