We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
