I hate your face
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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