Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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