pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize