he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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