dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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