I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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