oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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