Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We left an ass print on the piano.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
