My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
