I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
