You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
