you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
