ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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