i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
