It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn