So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
