Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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