There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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