3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
