I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
