you traded sex for a burrito?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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