i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
