Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she looked like the before picture.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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