Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize