then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
