I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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