Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
