if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
