he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
