It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
