Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
