that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.