I am in a vortex of obligation.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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