the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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