member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
