Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
