I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
